I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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