Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
