WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
