I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
