but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
