Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
