So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize