He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
