She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
