I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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