it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
