Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
