I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
