he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
