Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
