i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
