I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
