I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
