your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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