Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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