I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The adults are the big ones right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
