BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
