It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
