spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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