Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
