It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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