She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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