do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
