I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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