ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize