Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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