atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
