Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
