I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
