And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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