Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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