so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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