So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize