A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize