Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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