i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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