My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
