for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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