Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
