If that was your dad, he is hot
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
