I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
