The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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