Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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