I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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