if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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