2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
