so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
