ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
