What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
