We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize