I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
