And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
