think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
