I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
