I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
