I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
