i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
