If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
