I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize