Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
