My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
