you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
