Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
