I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
