His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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