I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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