They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize