tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
