i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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