I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
