So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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