Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
