she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
