the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
