He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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