R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
BRING THE BAGELS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
