just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
