someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
