don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Success! We fucked roommates!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
