and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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