That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're too hungover to prance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
