That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
