it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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