what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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