May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
